Standup Comedy Tips from Judy Carter

How Not to Suck as an Emcee

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 16:47:00 +0000

Once a month, the advanced class has a guest teacher and last night it was Dan Rosenberg, comic and author of “How Not to Suck as an Emcee.” Dan gave us some great tips. After all, if you finally get a booked at a comedy club, it will most likely be the opening spot where you also emcee the show. And as Dan says, “a bad host can kill a show. Even with a great headliner, a shitty emcee can ruin the night as hosting is the foundation of the show.”

Dan will be giving this workshop at the California Comedy Conference.
ONLY 2 MORE WEEKS LEFT TO REGISTER!!!
http://www.comedyworkshops.com/ccc.html

Here were some of his tips.

Get at least three interactions when you open a show. “Are there some people here who want to have fun?” “Anyone ready to laugh?” and so on. I got to see this tip work the next day as I had a gig in Racine, WI. I changed my opening to implement this tip and it worked like gang busters. With corporate gigs, very often I’m coming on to an ice cold group who is in the middle of eating dinner. Or my opening act was an accountant giving a powerpoint on next year’s budget forecast. Exciting. Using Dan’s tip, it took only a few minutes to bring everyone’s attention to the stage and get the energy and laughs flowing.

When emceeing, give comics great intros. And if you are a comic, always write out your intro on an index card. “ALWAYS write out a few credits and write out your name phonetically . Funny intros are great if you don’t have any credits. Never tell the emcee to, ‘Just say anything.’”

Reset the stage for the next comic, i.e., put the mic back in the stand, move the stool, and adjust the mic height for the next comic.

When introducing the next comic, do the “Wait and Shake.” Meaning, wait for them to come up, shake their hand, and THEN leave the stage.

Make sure you end the intro with the comic’s name as the punch line.

If someone bombs, don’t mention it. Show respect for your fellow comics.

Don’t start with blue material. If the show goes blue, then you can join in and “Blue it up.” But some times if the next comic is clean you’ll need to “Blue in down.”

Keep politics to yourself. As the emcee, your job is to be likeable and get the audience going, not alienate them.

Never make fun of the wait staff. They hang with the club bookers and the managers and if they like you, you have a better chance of being asked back.

Ask the club if there are any announcements that they’d like you to make. Makes you sound like a pro and helping them sell drinks and t-shirts is another way to get asked back.

Keep the show rolling. Don’t do a lot of time in-between acts. If someone kills, then don’t slow the show down with material. If a comic tanks, then bring out you killer material to bring the audience back. You’re the host and it’s up to you to make it a great night for the audience as well as the comics.

Dan gave us 25 tips, if you want the rest of them, then get his book, “How not to suck as an emcee.”

Dan Rosenberg will be doing his “How not to suck as an Emcee” workshop at the California Comedy Conference. Details at:
http://www.comedyworkshops.com/ccc.html

Creating Material on Current Events

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 19:59:00 +0000

I've decided to teach a workshop in writing current event material at the California Comedy Conference. Having jokes about current topics tells the audience that your act is fresh and that you're on top of what's going on.

Here are some tips for creating current event material:

-When doing personal material, try bringing a current topic or person into the "mix." i.e: "My mother hates her neighbors. She's become the Al Qaeda of the condo unit." (Then add act-out.)

-A list of three is a great way to bring current events into your act. "We live in a scary world, terrorists, the war in Iraq… (Then add the funny one which can change as the news changes) i.e: "Our vice-president is shooting people, Britany Spears is a mother…" This list of three structure gives you an easy way to plug up to date material into your act.

-If your current event joke is no longer current – let it go! Current jokes usually only have a shelf life of a few days. Oh, all those great Cheney shooting jokes, gone. ("Oh it WAS an accident. Cheney thought it was a gay cowboy.") It's hard to throw good jokes away, but you're a hack if you're still doing Clinton "cigar" jokes. It's long over – let it go.

-Sometimes you prepare some current events jokes and get to the comedy club and all the comics before you have beaten the topic to death – let your jokes go.

-Watch Leno and see if you jokes are as good as his. If they are, you might want to start submitting jokes to TV and Radio. If you've never submitted jokes before, don't start at the top, but start with your local radio DJ's.

At the California Comedy Conference, you'll learn how to make money by submitting to TV and Radio.

See you at the conference! Info at

http://www.comedyworkshops.com/ccc.html

Judy Carter

How to get a Manager

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 00:00:00 +0000

Every two months our Advanced Class in LA has VIP night. This is where we invite a VIP, invite the public, get everyone drunk and showcase for them. After the showcase we have a Q and A with the VIP.

Last month, manager Barb North, gave us insider information on what managers are looking for when they watch standup comics. Here's what we learned…

What are some Do's and Don't's of showcasing?
"When putting together a showcase set, put up front material that reflects your 'point of view,' with material that tells the audience who you are. Don't use your funniest line if it doesn't say anything about you. And have jokes that payoff quickly. You shouldn't go more than 15 seconds w/out a payoff. If it's for TV and they ask you to be clean, be clean. If they ask you to go 8 minutes, don't do 15.

What do managers do?
"A manager is there for your whole career. Some are equipped to bring both creative and business insights. A manager will help you get all the different kind of agents you need and work with them to get you opportunity as well as look over deals and advise you. A manager / comic relationship is like a marriage – I have to love a comic – I have to believe in them."

"Managers have different tastes. If a manager rejects you – it may not be because of your talent."

How do I get on Premium Blend?
"They aren't shooting Premium Blend at the moment... they are doing Gotham, but in general, it is harder if you are white male just because there are so many white male comics and so the competition is steeper. They are always looking for women – but some female comics get their shot when they aren't ready yet, which can hurt. The upside is that if it takes you longer to get noticed then you will have more time to get better. A lot of shows say 'Pitch me someone with credits.' Credits beget credits so work wherever and whenever you can until you get established."

[to comic Joseph who is Hispanic] "There is a huge Hispanic market and more and more opportunities all the time."

[to comic Joseph who is Hispanic] "There is a huge Hispanic market and many Latino Laugh Festivals."

"Mad TV and SNL are looking for people who can do characters. If you are a standup and want to get on that show, then it's good to weave characters in and out of your act."

"Start with smaller festivals. Don't go right to the Montreal Festival as your first festival."

[When talking to Kenny, who's act is about being a dad] "Your act is about being a stay at home dad, I would find that easy to market."

"It's important to learn cold reading. If a casting director likes your looks, she might like to have you in for an audition and you will need to know how to make copy come alive."

"Showcase under the radar until you are ready."

Barb also talked about what was on everyone's mind:

How to get a manager:
"There is a magic about it. I like to sign someone I connect with and I think I can sell. A manager needs to see someone several times. If you are out there and performing a lot, you will get seen."

Things that turn a manger off?
Email blasts. I like to get emails on what you are doing, but don't harass a manager. We are people too and need a life. And don't think if we don't sign you right away we are rejecting you. Keep us informed on what you are doing, but don't over do it.

Barb North will be giving a workshop at the California Comedy Conference. Dec 1 – 3. Spots are still available.

www.comedyworkshops.com/ccc.html

Breaking Through Writing Blocks and Getting the Funny OUT!

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 22:51:00 +0000

This is #1 in an occasional series of tips to keep the creativity going.

Tip #1: Get out of the house!!
When people find out that I make a living from doing comedy, they inevitably say, “Wow that must be so much fun.” Wrong! 95% of my time is spent doing really boring stuff: sending out pr kits; making calls to clients; getting airline tickets; writing checks’, going through 300 emails -- most of them asking if I’m satisfied with my dick size, and of course, kicking a printer that’s stopped working. Doing the gigs is fun. Getting the gigs takes work.

Most creative people have the same problem: When do I get to do the creative stuff? Sometimes I feel that if I do the same material again, I’ll die of boredom. Oh wait… the audience beat me to it. We all need new material, but it’s hard to make the time for it. Even if you have time, so many porn sites…..

WRITING TIP: GET OUT OF THE HOUSE
I find writing very lonely, so I need to work in a public place. If I’m home, I get distracted. So when I need to work on new material, I leave my house and go to my Westside office. I find it very inspiring, as it has large leather couches, ornate gold leaf tables, wireless high-speed Internet, ocean view, and even waitress service. Maybe you’ve seen my Westside office -- The Hotel Del Mar lobby. I bring my lap top, put on my noise canceling headsets and spread out my papers. I always order a Cappuccino and give the waitress a large tip. This way, they have a positive attitude about me setting up camp here. Who says office space on the Westside is expensive? I have an ocean view office for $15/day…I even hold meetings there.

What gets your creative juices flowing might be something different. Know what it takes for you to create and set time aside to do it. I wrote many books, but each one started in some hotel lobby!

At the California Comedy Conference, there are so many workshops designed to get you past your blocks, get the creative flowing, and start making money from being funny!www.comedyworkshops.com/ccc.html

Working out new material

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 18:08:00 +0000

Working out new material – Judy bombs!

After years of doing corporate comedy, keeping it clean, and edgeless, I was getting bored. Money is great, but I missed the excitement of the comedy salad days. I challenged myself by working a comedy club in Berlin. I hit topics that I would never do at a corporate gig: concentration camps, gay marriage, erotica museums… (See Berlin blog). Wow! It got me so high walking the comedy edge again.

So, I’m now doing something that is one of the scariest challenges I’ve ever done: I’m going to my standup classes, not as the teacher, but as a student. The first day, the teacher, Cary Odes did an incredible exercise of finding the “Anti-You.” Meaning, what are the qualities of a character that would be your opposite. We then had to get up and perform need material. I’ve performed with President Clinton in front of 8500 people. But that pales in comparison to getting up in front of the 9 other comics in the class. It’s not easy being the “Comedy Goddess who wrote the book.” I knew I was going to suck.

That’s the thing that makes doing standup a constant challenge. No matter how much success you have – you will always suck when trying new material. Go watch “The Comedian” and watch Seinfeld struggle and bomb trying to put together a new five minute set. But avoiding bombing by doing the same material gig after gig is a killer in a different kind of way. So, I got up, did my new set, some bits worked, most bombed, but joining my students in their struggle rather than sitting back in the comfortable teachers chair – exciting!

Comedy in Berlin 2

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 17:34:00 +0000

Comedy in Berlin 2

Most Germans I spoke to have great shame about the Holocaust. The Jewish Museum was filled with school tours. It seems to me that young Germans are fully aware of the atrocities that happened. However, I couldn’t find one person who heard what happened during World War 2 first hand from their grandparents. “They just don’t talk about it.”

I did my “Let’s REALLY talk about what happened” set at a local comedy club on English-speaking night. The evening started with Kim who is a cabaret singer from Australia who was very charming. Then Tamara Augustin-Ingram, a black American comic did a great set about being black in Germany. It was interesting as Germans don’t have a “Ghetto Rap” culture, but they know all about it from TV. Turn on German TV and there is everything from Chris Rock to the Nanny duped in German. And if you thought “The Nanny” was annoying in English…But they loved Tamara who I met when she attended the California Comedy Conference in Palm Springs.(And some of you think it’s too far to go from the Valley.) Also, performing was another American comic Robert Lyons who is from Kansas and came to Germany to become a soap opera star. He did a great five minute set. Next it was my turn.

When Germans find out someone is Jewish, they usually make a point of being very nice and will pick up the check at a restaurant. I guess it’s sort of an apology. "Sorry about killing six million of your relatives let me pay for your schnitzel."

It was a shocker to them when I opened the show with this routine: “I’ve had a wonderful uplifting time in Berlin. I went to the Jewish museum, then to the holocaust tower, and on to a tour of a concentration camp. Then I when to a Brecht play about Waiting for Death. I’m thinking that a perfect end to this holiday will be a suicide. That’s the last time I book my travels via Kafka.com.”

There was a silence as if no one wanted to be the first to laugh at a joke containing the word “concentration camp,” and then they fell on the floor in laughter. I had to explain to the audience that being Jewish, it was “OK for me to joke” about my experience and I gave them permission to laugh. Once I explained the rules (Germans love rules), not speaking modestly, I tore the place apart.

All comics should travel. It gave me a new perceptive on being an American. So much we do, we don’t realize it, but we are being “American.” And that isn’t normal to other people. Being in another country, I finally truly understood the meaning of a comic’s “Point of View.”
More on Point of View and Premises in the next blog.

Comedy in Berlin

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Wed, 21 Jun 2006 17:34:00 +0000

Comedy in Berlin

A Canadian company flew me out to Berlin to do an hour “wake-up” speech for their sales force after lunch. People ask me why I don’t do comedy clubs any more. Hmmmm, let me think a moment. Traveling first class, staying at 5-star hotels, taken out to French meals, an hour set to an appreciative audience, verses 8 shows a week for drunks while sharing a cockroach infested “comedy condo.” Corporate Comedy rocks and more on that later.

German comedy is very different than American standup. Germans love their Cabarets where the comedy is delivered Jerry Lewis style. Rather than personal revelatory comedy, they love political satire where the comic doesn’t hit the nail on the head, but jokes are clever and ironic.
I started to understand the nature of comedy in Europe at the Fringe festival a few years ago when I over heard a Brit talking to a German saying, “America comics have no sense of irony.” I lean over and said, “I over heard what you said and isn’t it ironic that I’m an American comic and overheard you?” He said, “No, and exactly my point.”

We Americans don’t understand irony. Not even Alanis Morissette, because “a fly in your Chardonnay” isn’t ironic, but unfortunate. Perhaps it would be ironic if you just came from a meeting of the society for pest control and voted no to the use of pesticides to rid the world of flies and you were toasting your success and there was then a fly in your wine. Or not. See we don’t truly understand irony.

American standup is self defacing, authentic, and shame based. “I just broke up with my boyfriend,” “I can’t get laid,” “My father was Nazi.” In other countries, these remarks are kept private. Perhaps that’s because American’s have such a short history and aren’t in touch with themselves in relationship to the rest of the world. Only 4% of Americans have passports. I was talking to a woman who told me she had a wonderful time in France – Epcot France. Disney’s version of France is where people eat Kraft cheese on Starbucks croissants and the “French” people are friendly.

While in Germany I was invited to headline at the Kookaburra Comedy club on English speaking night. How would a German audience react to my “hit the nail on the head Jewish humor? More next blog.

Corporate Comedy Rocks!

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Sat, 03 Jun 2006 16:12:00 +0000

Corporate Comedy Rocks!

I got a corporte gig in Berlin. A Canadian company flew me out to Berlin where they wanted me to liven up their lunch time sales meeting. I get first class air to Europe, all expenses paid at a five star hotel, and dinners in fancy schmacy restaurants. You might think, “That’s not a job, it’s a scam.” Hey, as Donna Summers said, “I’m working hard for the money.” Corporates are not that easy – especially lunch gigs.

I’ve performed in Vegas, Atlantic City, and now I’m workin’ a buffet in Berlin. People say that comedy is hard, but comedy is hardest when there is sunlight streaming into the room. There is something about daylight that is a comedy killer. That long with the fact that we comics usually perform for people who are drunk, not people who are hung over.

There are always challenges working these corporate gigs. At first they weren’t going to give me a stage. Actually, forget about a stage, they didn’t want to give me a platform.

“We figured you would just wander around the tables doing jokes.”

I’m not kidding. I was lucky there was a mic. I brought up the point that I needed a platform as I’m short – and people would need to be able to distinguish me from the waiters. I got the platform.

So, I’m standing on a little platform in the center of the room with no one in front of me and 35 sales people to each side. There is a window behind me making people squint at the sunlight streaming into the room.

Corporate comedy always starts off a bit awkward. They’ve just come from a Powerpoint demonstration on sales projections and are not in the “comedy club mentality.” To ease them into my schick, I spend a lot of time preparing customized material. A week prior to the event, I spoke to the director of marketing as well as a few sales guys themselves. They told me that they were stressed about working out of their car, dealing with wacky pharmacists, and upcoming Canadian legislation called Bill 102. This ended up in a “Pharmaceutical Rap Song.”

“Got into the drug sales game
But I can’t pronounce drugs name
Now I’m getting really confused
Cause here comes bill 102

With this bill 102
We are all going be screwed
Cause feds policy's not written by a genius
More like Butthead and Beavis..”

Then I had to deal with the fact that I was Jewish and in Germany. I had to comment on it, but what? I turned to comic, Ritch Shydner for advice. He said, “Say, ‘I’m Jewish. Hey, wasn’t there something that happened 60 years ago? That’s over right?”

That worked. Emily Levine has a great German-Jewish joke, “When I performed comedy in Germany they told me, ‘You’re cute as a button.’ But then I was afraid that they meant that I would be ‘cute as a button.’” Great joke.

The gig went great. The good thing was that the audience was mostly Canadians. Canadians are friendly unpretentious people who laugh easily. When I perform in Canada I say words I wouldn’t say in the States, such as “Nipples!” Not only do I not say that word when performing for the American humor impaired corporate culture, I take them off before stepping onstage.

I was a hit. The director of marketing asked me to perform at another gig in February 07. I was invited to join the group for a 5 course meal that night and a tour the next day and partied with them into the wee hours of the night.

OK, OK… maybe it is a scam.

Bombing or are you?

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Wed, 24 May 2006 13:24:00 +0000

Bombing or are you?

Anytime I get a gig that I feel is “So important I kill,” I’m going to bomb. It’s preordained.

I occasionally get a call from a particular prestigious speaker agent. Let me put it this way: they consider the fact that I will work for only $15,000 a gig – cheap. So, when the phone rings with a gig from this agent I get down on my knees and thank the powers that be. I make a commitment to hit the ball way out of the park. I'm going to be the funniest I've EVER been, I'm going to get a standing ovation, I'm going to have the agent so impressed that they're going to be booking me for -- hell -- 10 times a month! I'm already looking in yachting catalogues.

With this attitude, any comic is doomed to fail.

I worked my butt of before the gig. I called people who were attending to find out the “inside poop” on what was going on in their business so I could write customized material. I hired comedy coaches to go over my jokes. Their theme was “Super Heroes.” I wrote and honed Wonder Women jokes. “I’m just like Linda Carter, but without the first name and the waistline.” Weak, I know. I called on other comics to help punch up my “Super Hero” jokes. I even got my gym- trainer, who is a comic book expert, to give me advice.

The client emailed me the script, as it was an awards show. I worked out funny rifts; I even got permission to lisence some funny slides that I found on the Internet. I was going to be funny in a multi-media HUGE way.

It’s the night of the gig. The room is enormous and decorated with the “Super Hero” motif. The rehearsal goes great. It’s an award show and I practice announcing the award winners with the kind of enthusiasm of an academy award winner.

The show is about to start. The audience is at their tables eating their prawn appetizers. The hum of the room is deafening. I go over and over my super hero joke opening. Someone goes out and introduces me. I come out to some loud music. I do my first joke and realize that the audience has not stopped talking, nor even turned around to look at the stage. One minute in, I have already let go of all the new material I spent hours planning.

What to do? If I was in a nightclub, I could say, “Shut the fuck up!” Not at a corporate gig. I go to my killer stuff and still no laughs. I finally say, “For God Sakes, how long does it take to eat three prawns!” That got a small laugh. “Some gala affair – three gala shrimp.” I got another laugh, but everyone went back to talking. My first 10 minute set was over. I left the stage sweating profusely. And yet, I still had to come back after dinner for another set and the awards.

They ate dinner and it was time for me to go out again. Maybe this will be better. No such luck. I arrived onstage and still no one would stop talking. Now, I’m getting pissed. I got an idea. I went into the audience with the mike. I stood between two guys who were in conversation and asked them, “So, what are you guys talking about that is sooo important?” It was risky, but it worked. The entire audience went quiet. They were all afraid that I would pick them out. I had them for a few minutes.

My next comedy bit went great. But then I had to announce the awards. What the client didn’t tell me was that none of the winners were there and everyone already knew who won the awards.

The night finally ended with a thud and I went to the hotel bar to drink. After my second drink, I realized that wanting something to go well is the kiss of death. In comedy, the audience has to sense that we “Don’t give a shit.” Trying to be “good” is like trying to have good sex. Any time we are trying it’s going to be bad. Any time trying is involved, phoniness, failure and heavy drinking will follow.

What a shock it was that I got a very nice letter from the client about how good I was! I think they were just too drunk to remember that they didn't hear one thing I said. After all, I was an improvement from last year’s mariachi band.

Writer's Block Part 2

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Sun, 14 May 2006 22:21:00 +0000

Breaking Through Writer’s Block

I realized why I hate writing.It’s because I hate being alone. Writing feels like punishment. A sort of cosmic “Time out – go to your corner and think about what you’ve done!” That’s how my parent’s punished me and that’s how writing feels. It feels as if I’m being punished. Finally I figured out a few solutions:

NEVER give myself the whole day to write. Writing is exhausting.Far more exhausting than roofing.You know the saying – “Roofing is easy – writing is hard!” Or something like that. Or maybe not. But one of the best books on creative writing is Dorothea Brandt, BECOMING A WRITER. Written in 1936, the advice is timeless. She suggests to do no more than 15 minutes in the morning.

Yes, I can do that...

Then back to it later in the day. After writing for 15 minutes first thing in the morning, it got my head thinking about it all day. All day I’m jotting ideas down and my attitude now is that I can’t wait to find the time to write them down.

I find that getting out of the house is a good thing. Too much distraction at home.On Sunday, I did morning chores and headed off to write at the Del Rey hotel. It has a gorgeous lobby with overstuffed sofas with an amazing view of the ocean. A perfect place for an office.I started writing and it was working.A waitress kept feeding me – salad, ice tea, cappuccino while I typed away. No internet service – no distraction. My 0 words turned in 1694 words.I’m going to go to a different hotel each day. My mother would be proud – I have the life of a hooker.

Writer's Block Part 1

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Sun, 14 May 2006 22:10:00 +0000

Writer’s Block

“I have a whole day to write” and other fantasies. I have been avoiding writing lately.I have been trying to find time to work on a new book and I’ve been putting it off forever. There is so much on my calendar every day, so I cleared Saturday of everything. A whole day to write! This made me feel better for the rest of the week.I’m working in the office every day this week, but that’s OK, because on Saturday I’ve got the WHOLE DAY! Saturday rolls around.I usually exercise in the morning, but not today...today is my writing day.I’m going to focus. Here is what the day looked like:

9am:In bed, I reach over to my laptop.I open MS WORD and I write a sentence. Hmmm… why is my computer writing in size 10 font? I want it to write by default in a size 12 font. I don’t know how to do this, so I have to go to the help menu and figure it out. I then realize that not only can I create a template to adjust the font, but also styles, formats, and even the menus. I added “Save All” to the FILE menu, and word count to the TOOLS menu. I activate it and see that I have written 12 words.

10am:I don’t like that in this one sentence I’ve written the word “comedy” twice. I wonder if there is a better word than that.I go to the Thesaurus that comes with MS Word and find it lacking.I’m an author.I need a better Thesaurus.I open up Internet Explorer and go to www.downloads.com looking for a better one.I find one and download it.Then I realize that I already downloaded a Thesaurus.I can’t find it.I realize that I need a better way to organize my “Favorites.” So I download another file that guarantees to organize my favorites.I open it and start creating folders and topics to organize my favorites.

11am:I wonder if I have enough money in the bank to afford these new software programs I’m buying. Well, I’ll have enough money when I finish this book, but I better see how my stocks are doing. I go on to Schwab.com and start reading the news on these shitty stocks I own. Three stocks have taken a 20% dive. This is not good. I better move money from stocks to invest in a CD that’s more conservative.

Noon:Wow, I’m hungry. There’s nothing in the refrigerator to eat. I get in the car and drive to the market.I take my computer with me, because I realize that I can’t write at home.I’ll write at a restaurant.I’m at the restaurant, turn on the computer, but I realize that I forgot to charge up the batteries. I could write by hand, but I’ve long forgotten how to do that.

2pm:Back home I realize that I forgot to feed the fish. I get their yummy frozen bloodworms out of a little freezer and realize that they are stuck because the freezer needs to be defrosted.

3pm:After defrosting the freezer, I get my computer charger which is under a huge stack of unopened mail. I better go through it. In the mail, I see my Netflix have arrived.

7pm:I’ve watch “History of Violence” and “Dead Ringers.” Both good.I would turn on my computer, but it’s time to feed the animals and walk the dog.Walking the dog, I run into my friend who wants to come over and watch my third Netflix movie with me. I tell her I need to write, but she’s going to bring over dinner -- and I’m hungry again!

10pm: I’m back in bed again with the computer on my lap.It’s charged up.I open my one sentence and delete it. It’s stupid.According to word count I have 0 words. I think, “Well, it’s not like anyone is really waiting for this book. There’s tomorrow -- and the next day and the day after that.I have plenty of time to write.”

If this sounds like you, maybe I can help.I found a way to break through. Stay tuned to next blog...

Dirty Comedy

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 03:38:00 +0000

Dirty Comedy

“Should I work clean? Will I get work if I’m working “Blue.””

If you want to work corporate meetings, colleges, cruise ships, or for any organization that has the word, "Christian" in it - you have to work clean. And I mean squeaky, Opie Mayberry clean. When I started working corporates, I didn't even know that "Hell" or "Pissed off" were questionable. Office staff have been to so many HR “Corporate Appropriate” training programs that they will not laugh at a racy joke because that laugh might cause them to lose their jobs.

Network television has become just as restrictive. A comic says a dirty word, gets edgy about race, gays, or religion and all of the sudden, they lose their sponsors. Even Comedy Central censored the image of Mohammad on an episode of “South Park.”

So, what does a comic do? Follow guidelines or let it rip?

In the end, you’ve got to be true to yourself. It wasn’t that long ago that “dirty” words would not only make a comic lose a gig, but also get his ass thrown into jail. Let us not forget that Lenny Bruce went to jail to defend a comic’s right for free speech, or George Carlin being sued for the “Seven Dirty Words.” After 9-11, Bill Mahr got fired from ABC for being exactly what the title of his show implied, “Politically Incorrect.” The free airwaves are losing talent, as Howard Stern and others find homes where they can talk freely.

Now, I’m not a fan of foul mouth amateur comics who swear as a substitute for having material. No punch line? Just add a 4-letter word at end of a weak joke. Listening to a comic go, "Mo'Fo"" 10 times a minute is boring. And it’s often not authentic. I had a student who was talking ghetto and I had to tell him, “Shut up! You’re a Jew from the Valley.” But we all need to resist this notion of “Clean Comedy,” because at it’s core, it’s censorship. At it’s best, comedy is messy and dirty. It’s edgy and shocking – it stirs the pot. So, do we give in and wash out our mouths with soup? I say, “Fuck it!"

Standup in the Red States (Part 2)

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Sun, 07 May 2006 22:27:00 +0000

Standup in the Red States (part 2)

(Read the first part below before you read this)

Arriving at Ozark Lakes, MO at 10pm, I had dinner at the Tan-Tar-A Resort restaurant. I was the only one in the place except for the stuffed animals that surround me. In the middle of the restaurant was a stuffed grizzly bear standing on her hind legs and growling at a stuffed fox for all eternity. Birds that were offered on the menu were also strung to the ceiling. I've never found it appealing to see the animals I’m ordering.

Since I was the only customer, this was a chance to talk to the waitress and see what things were like in Ozark Beach so I could get some local comedy material. After about five minutes my waitress told me her whole life story. I don’t know if it was because I mentioned that I met Oprah, but she told me the most intimate details of her life: her child is Autistic, her husband and her don’t have sex, she had her stomach stapled to lose weight. Finally, something I could relate to. That’s when I realized that deep down; we are all alike and struggling with the same problems; family, sex, comestic surgery.

Got up at 8am (5am LA time) to do the gig for the bankers. I wrote the Ozark Banker's Rap song.
(Listen to it here)

I did the gig cutting out anything that would alienate the group starting with language. I didn’t know “Hell” was a bad word until I did a gig last year in North Dakota.“What the hell” changed to “What the heck.” “Oh God! To “Oh Goodness.” And "Oy!" to, well, somethings just don't translate.

But in the end, I found something that we had in common to poke fun of: people from Los Angeles. I made fun of Botox (“Nobody laughs at comedy clubs in LA. They can’t. They have too much botox”); I make fun of myself. Because in the end, they aren’t the joke – I am.

The biggest mistake comics make when traveling is that they write material about “How weird the place is.” But that won’t help you connect to the audience, because it’s not weird for them – they live there. The only weird person is you. Yes, it is normal to look at endangered animals while eating chicken fried steak. Who am I to judge? A comic can’t get people to laugh unless they build a bridge to the audience. So, I connected with them. They loved the rap song. And all was well. Well… except maybe I should not have said it was “Hard out there for a pimp.” Which is weird because in Ozark Lake it probably is one of the hardest places for a pimp. What the heck!

Standup in the Red States

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Sat, 06 May 2006 21:05:00 +0000

Comedy in the Red States

Got off the plane in Springfield, Missouri, a bit nauseous. You know the plane is going to be small when the pre-boarding announcement is: “You might want to use the bathroom at the gate.” I had an aisle seat AND a window seat. The captain flew the plane and served drinks. Scary.

I arrived, jumped into my Budget rental car and got directions to Ozark Beach. Weird going to a beach in the Midwest. Sort of like Death Valley Ski resort. But I guess there’s a lake at the Tan-Tar-A Resort, where I’ve been hired to give a funny closing keynote for an association of Missouri Bankers.

I love driving to a gig. It gives me a chance to soak in the local culture and figure out what jokes I can do and what I should cut.

Just passed an ad for Andy Williams who’s doing a show with Petula Clark. Wow, I didn’t know they were alive. The next billboard for Yahov Smirnoff’s show, “What a country!” His billboard is snazzy, with some sort of spinning lights and Yahov in a big purple turban and right after that a billboard for a Red Skelton revival. I had no idea that after Vegas stops booking you, there’s always Missouri.

This is not going to be exactly a hip crowd. I’m thinking that I might not be in touch with Missouri reality. Maybe I should change the references in my act. Maybe I should change the joke about Three Six Mafia “It’s Hard Out There For a Pimp” to “That’s Why the Lady is a Tramp.” And “What’s up with Frank Sinatra!”

I’ve been driving for an hour and it’s totally flat. Not a hill in sight. OK, there goes all references to mountain biking and I’ve got to let go of that hysterical story about going down a black diamond ski run. And there are no buildings. The tallest building is a Dunkin Donuts. So I can’t do my “Working in a High Rise” office building routine. That’s gone.

I’m now out in the country and passing a lot of farms where people seem to be growing things that I buy at Gelsons. Oh, if only I had some sod jokes. Now, I’m passing a lot of cattle. “Got milk?” That’s something I know. Oh, I’m not feeling so good!

I’ve passed now at least 15 churches. Not one synagogue. “Growing up Jewish” jokes are all out. And my “Gay chunk” is cut. This is weird about not being about to talk about gay stuff because on the plane I was sitting next to the two gayest straight guys. They talked to me about cooking, decorating, used the word “fabulous” as much as a West Hollywood queen and then showed me pictures of their wives and kids. In the Midwest even the gay people are straight. And at the airport, I’ve never seen so many lesbians with husbands. The gay chunk is definitely cut.

I’ve been on the road for two hours. I’ve seen a lot, but there seems to be something missing from the landscape – black people. This will definitely be one of those Caucasian gigs. So much for my routine on my black lesbian lover.
Now I’ve just passed my 4th RV park. Trailer parks. Maybe a joke about: Why do trailers have wheels when nobody goes anywhere. I’m desperate.

15 minutes away and I just passed the Evangelist Center. I better not mention nipples -- matter of fact, I think I'll take them off.

I’ve arrived. It’s 11 pm and the gig is tomorrow morning. I have to do an hour. I have nothing. What am I going to do? How am I going to relate to people who come from such a different culture?

Stay tuned.

Just Be Yourself

judy@comedyworkshops.com (Judy Carter) — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 02:44:00 +0000

“Just Be Yourself”
If you are a standup comic, others probably have given you this vague advice. During my career, over 100 people have offered me this guidance, including agents, managers, and plumbers, and I have never had a clue what it meant..

“Just be yourself.” What self? The self that gets so tongue tied in meeting new people that I stutter. That self? That would go over great in Vegas. This suggestion is almost as stupid as the “Just have fun,” advice. This was the advice someone gave to me before I went on to do a set at Gotham Comedy Club to a crowd that was so drunk, a woman actually projectile vomited on the comic before me. If I was to be myself and just have fun that night, I have been home in bed.

The truth of it is that when I am being myself, I am having fun. When I am pretending to be something that I’m not, i.e. confident, in charge, and sure of myself, I’m not having fun at all. It takes a lot of energy to put on a mask of what I think I should be like onstage. But how do we get to that place of authenticity?

After 25 years of doing standup I got a comedy coach, Steve North. All these years of coaching others, I never had one myself and it was time. My act was stagnant and my new material was hit and miss. Steve watched some videos of me and identified my “funny part.” It was something I was doing 50% of the time, and I needed to do it 100% of the time. The funny part of me is when I catch myself being phony and self criticize. It sounds like – “It’s hard out there when you’re working full time, it’s hard when you’re raising a family, and apparently, it’s hard out there for a pimp.” After doing so many gigs, I knew where the “funny” was and I was “hitting” it hard. This new way, I catch myself being so serious and mutter the funny part. The less I work the funny part, the bigger my laughs have been. Once identifying my “funny thing that’s me” I found 20 other places in my act that I could add it. My laughs became denser and the response has been incredible – bigger reactions during the show and more referrals after the show.

“Being myself onstage” makes performing so much easier. I don’t feel that I have to go out there and “Wow” an audience. I just have to talk to them – but funny. It’s made me more relaxed and in the moment. And because I’m more relaxed, I am creating new material right onstage. I’m sure this will work for a few months and then I’m going to have to dig deeper still. The great thing about standup is that we’re never done learning stuff. The plumber was right.